So I’m usually gushing about the movies I review. I like most movies; there are only a few I hate with an undying passion, and some that were completely forgettable. I thought, for a change, I’d cast aspersions on a few I saw recently. Two of them are OK (I guess, nothing special) but the last one is a real disappointment considering the stellar cast. I don’t know if I’m doing myself any favors telling you not to see a movie except to go out and see that movie to prove me wrong. But whatever you do don’t see the last one even to spite me.

No

Now this is really a test case for my Spanish speaking friends out there (Ryan, you’re the only one I know of). Not because it is in Spanish, but as someone with an elementary understanding of the language, I wonder if it translates better to native speakers. The audience was laughing at certain parts that I had no idea why and there were moments we shared as well. Whatever the case it was very talky.
No centers around the true life story of the 1988 presidential referendum in Chile. Chile was ruled by a dictator, Augusto Pinochet, and, to give the semblance of democracy, a vote was held on whether Pinochet was great or if he should hit the skids. I won’t fill you in on anymore history, read a book.

Gael Garcia Bernal plays an ad exec, Rene, who heads up a team to create a fifteen minute ad in opposition to the dictator, the eponymous ‘No’. While his compatriots are a little heavy handed about the deaths, disappearings, and destruction Pinochet has wrought, Rene just wants to focus on the positive and innocuous. And despite his penchant for using goofy/terrifying mimes every chance he gets, he helps to create a catchy ad that would appeal to any child of the eighties. Learning from his background, he focuses on a feeling more than a product. Happy people trumps depressing imagery of grieving mothers and police braining citizens with truncheons.

There is a lot going for this movie and it garnered an Oscar nominee for Best Foreign Picture but it is a bit dull and laborious. There isn’t a lot of tension, even when the situation calls for it, everyone seems to be underplaying it or, at least, are very understated. A barely registering relationship between Rene and his estranged wife is not at all interesting and only adds to the interminable running time.
What’s cool is the movie features the real life commercials throughout and everything else was filmed to match that warm eighties glow. It was filmed on video and if you see it on the big screen it will only fill the middle of the screen. The ads are big eighties fun (like a soda pop or blue jean commercial) and there is a very sweet and beautiful jingle that rounds it out. Happiness in Spanish is an even lovelier word coming from the oppressed masses.
Let me know if you have a difference of opinion. I’m not saying it wasn’t good, but there were moments I just felt like I wasted opportunities outside the darkness of the matinee.

A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III

This is a long winded title for a good looking but ultimately pointless flick starring Charlie Sheen, which might as well have been called a glimpse inside of Charlie Sheen. Let’s just say the stakes weren’t very high from start to finish. It’s a good looking film partly due to his character’s profession, a successful graphic artist and the movie’s fine attention to production design (I mean they got a couch that looks like a hot dog).

The opening showcases the most visually powerful images of the film. In which, you get the closest thing to a glimpse inside Charlie’s head as a doctor examines him. The doctor will mention a character or theme in his life and from a profile of his head a collage of say his buddy Schwartzman doing best bud things starts blooming from his head and so on and so forth.

The director, Roman Coppola, helped pen Moonrise Kingdom and he brings some of that film’s visual flair and characters. Bill Murray and Jason Scwartzman come over to liven up the proceedings (on loan from Wes, I assume). While Murray is mostly wasted in this picture, Scwhartman almost single-handedly saves it with his antics. He’s the heart of this movie and really has been the bright spot in far too many sub-par pictures. I might have to dig this film out of the dollar bargain bin in a year just for his pizza delivery tune.

Really the biggest problem with this movie is the lead, his story, and the total and utter lack of his best bro, Emilio. Be it Young Guns 1, 2, or their trash man, buddy-comedy Men at Work; it’s all good. They should always be in the same movies, or all movies. Otherwise, the dilemma (girlfriend breaking up with Charlie because he’s a cad) isn’t exactly the most epic tale.
It’s fairly forgettable, but, like I said before, Schwartzman is really a treat. It wasn’t bad; it was just of little consequence.

Stand Up Guys

Stand Up Guys is a movie you shouldn’t sit down for, I mean seriously, forget about it. Al Pacino, Christopher Walken, and Alan Arkin.  How can you go wrong?  Well, you get a crumby script, poor direction, and put a car commercial in the middle of it and there you go: ruined. I cannot, in good conscience, allow any of you to see this movie. It’s the absolute dregs.

I mean the top bills are all entertaining in their own rights but together you would expect to be blown away. I’d watch just about anything anyone of these guys is starring in; heck I’d listen to them read the phone book. No such luck with this plot which meanders around getting something to eat, going to a whore house, getting something to drink, and going back and getting something to eat (boring, not a lot of action). What little action there is is reserved for a car chase that functions more as an advertisement for a slick car than anything else. And don’t even get me started about the bordello: the madam was the worst. So to add insult to injury, all the main characters go back again for more old fogy hijinks.
There are only a few moments where the cast gets to shine and play off each other. The director should have allowed the stars to improvise and not adhere to such a crusty script. You might remember the director as the bar none, lamest villain in movie history in Hackers. He doesn’t fare well in his directing duties but it’s not all his fault, it’s a collaborative effort. If you have the misfortune of watching this film you get the opportunity to watch the ‘classic’ Viagra joke play out, a rape handled very poorly and ultimately for laughs, an in depth discussion about whether Pacino can use the restroom, etc. (lots of good stuff…).

I’m not even going to talk about the ending but after it was all said and done “The End” came up on the screen in case the viewer wasn’t sure. Kind of tacky, don’t you think? What movie does that anymore? Seriously, who can think of a movie in the last twenty years, excluding rom-coms, cartoons, and other schmaltzy stuff, that does that. Avoid this one.