Iron Sky wasn’t bad at first, I would even say I was intrigued at the beginning. It quickly turned into a political satire, and not a good one. Apparently, the United States eventually vote in a Sarah Palin-esque president, which might be funny, but it wasn’t, just really annoying. The special effects were pretty good, though… It’s amazing that b-movies nowadays can have great visuals. Horrible movie, though.

Center of the Earth was a cross between Hostel, Terminator, and a tiny bit Independance Day. The only difference is I liked those movies. This one was bad. I watched this right after Iron Sky. I thought both would be unique, interesting, and fun, but they were none of those. Hitler comes back as a mech-thing in this one. Jake Busey was in it. Don’t like him much.

I’m not sure what happened that two Nazi movies came out so close together. I’m thinking there’s people out there that fantasize about getting their try at fighting back against evil. Well, I would advise you stay away from these movies as they’re both very, very bad.

I give them both a 5/17.

Movie pairing: Forgetting Sarah Marshall (I think they actually drink this beer in the movie. In Hawaii even.). Mahalo.

Since Phil has been so generous to help contribute to the welfare of Cinematic Attic, buying it’s authors beer, I have decided to start a beer page. Whenever I try a new beer (that Phil buys for me), I’ll quickly review it and also give it a movie-pairing. Then, you comment if you’ve ever tried the beer or have something to say about my suggested movie-pairing. You can find the link to the Beer Page at the top of the main Cinematic Attic page where it says “Beer”. Be sure to periodically check the “Quotes” and “Movie Log” pages too as I don’t think it shows down at the bottom if there has been a new post on those pages as it does our regular posts.

Any Cinematic Attic writer is welcome to contribute to the page. Mi casa, tu post! All you have to do is put “beer” in the Categories section.

Well, as they say in Russian, “За здоровье”! Or just “cheers” in American…

Deuce here. Now, Hangar 18 wasn’t a bad movie until the end. Hey, at least the Teen Wolf dad starred! The story kept me going and I was wondering how it was going to end. I’m gonna spoil the end here because, let’s face it, no one is going to go out and watch this movie. Here at Cinematic Attic, we’ve reviewed scores of movies, and someone is going to choose Hangar 18?! If so, I want to meet you, because you’ve got taste! Anyhoo, in the end, the government made it look like a plane crashed into the hangar, killing and blowing up everything just as the plot was getting more interesting. Then the credits rolled. Eh. 8/17.

Jack Reacher: “I was born in October. When I get to my birthday I’m going to pull the trigger. One… Two…”

It was amusing, but no more. Sitz-Scale: 12/17.

This was an actual transcription of a conversation between these two gentlemen on a cold, stormy night last week. Well, Sitz fixed Cinematic Attic so that anyone can comment! You just type in your comment, your name, and your email. Don’t worry, you won’t receive any extra emails and your email address isn’t posted. So, get commenting! Make some dialogue! Even if it’s on a really old post, we’ll read it and probably comment back! It’ll be fun, ok?! You owe it to yourself and to us that if you read our posts you should comment. We can’t read your mind, ok? For your health!

We were celebrating May the 4th, National Star Wars Day, so the movie was Return of the Jedi. I have had tested the projector both inside and outside once before, but it was during this official test-run that I learned that even though the system isn’t perfect, the whole experience is completely worth it.

My father-in-law loaned me an old tripod screen of his to use. I had considered using a sheet or something similar, but the screen, I found, allows for a better picture. The projector is probably the cheapest money could buy. A “good” projector probably is about ten times as expensive as mine. I’ll be perfectly honest, the picture is a little fuzzy and it’s difficult to see details. Black and white movies are the best, and that might be the majority of the movies I choose to watch outside this summer. Just think, though, it’ll be like stepping back in time to the days of noir detective films, sci-fi, or western flicks of the 50s! The size of the screen is about the same size as my widescreen tv downstairs, but you can sit fairly far away and still see really well. Having great picture quality is not my priority here, though. The projector is just a vessel to be able to get a movie outside in the first place.

The sound quality is better than the picture. I have a Sony iPod dock that has output capability. The projector has it’s own speaker, which projects a more muffled, tinny sound. The dock provides a more focused sound, if that makes any sense. It’s good sound, the only problem is that a person who sits in a direct line of the dock speaker will experience a higher volume than someone sitting off to the side. Remember here, folks, I’m trying to make a drive-in experience, not an indoor theatre experience. I’m not striving for perfection. I want to be a bit sensitive to my neighbors, too, however. The people who live east of us have air conditioning and keep their windows closed most of the time. The college kids who live west of us mostly keep their windows closed, too. I’ll probably have to do the gentlemanly thing and go talk to them first and let them know ahead of time. If you’re looking to be impressed by the sound, don’t expect it in my backyard.

Doesn’t look very romantic? Wait until the lights dim…

Now I’m going to tell you about the best part about watching a movie outside. Ready? Drum roll, please… You’re watching a movie outside.. Watching a movie! Outside. Outside! When we watched Return of the Jedi, Sam was laying on the swing, Djake and I each on our own chair, all of us with comfy blankets wrapped around us. Popcorn. Good popcorn. During the Jabba palace scene I cracked open a cold one, looked up toward the star-stuffed sky, smiled, winked at Djake (I think I even gave him “the shooter”), raised my bottle in salute to, well, myself really, celebrating the fact that the air I was breathing while I was enjoying this cinematic epic film was fresh and not circulated air. I think I actually heard an owl hoot on some high perch a few cotton trees away. While Luke was telling his father he wouldn’t fight him, throwing his light saber aside, I swear I saw a shooting star stream across the eastern sky. Once the opening crawl dissipated at the beginning, giving away to that great shot of the Imperial Shuttle cruising by, I no longer thought about the picture or the sound quality. I was in movie watching bliss.

Well, what this means for you is that I plan on watching a lot of movies in the backyard this summer, and you’re invited. Before I screen anything, I’ll post an advertisement on Cinematic Attic. If you’re interested, RSVP in the comment section of the post and I’ll send you directions to the house (just post your email and I’ll get back to you). Any reader of Cinematic Attic is invited! I just need to know how much popcorn to tell Sam to make (she makes the best popcorn!!) and how much beer/sodapop to chill. Keep checking Cinematic Attic for the advertisement of the first showing. Probably will be mid-June or so.

I’ll leave you with a non-related Joe Bob Briggs quote… “If you hate what you’re seeing, you call it sex and violence. If you like it, you call it “romance and adventure.”” Check it out!

Happy Star Wars Day, everybody! Be sure to enjoy a Star Wars movie or two, or three… or six if you’re into that. Other activities you might think about to help you in the celebration:
1) Pull the ears off a Gundark.
2) Drink blue milk.
3) Head on over to your nearest Tosche Station and pick up some power converters.
4) Stand on your head and float a rock with your mind.
5) Enjoy a good ol’ fashioned game of Dejarik. Just remember, though, to let the wookie win.
6) Adopt an Ewok. If you’re on a budget, a Jawa.
7) Watch old Kessel Run highlights. Remember when Han did it in under 12 parsecs?
8) Go downtown and join the picketers for the “Han Shot First” campaign.
9) During the fireworks display, drum on those old Stormtrooper helmets that are just taking up room in your closet.
10) Kiss your sister.

Enjoy

I would only give this a 9/17. Watch it just for the band. It expires from Netflix on June 1st.